Did you enjoy yourself or did you want to 'go back home'?
Prior to that, I had shared my body with White Brasilians and Argentineans. This made me feel like my growth had come full circle, as I struggled growing up in a predominately White Jersey suburb to feel like interracial dating was an option for a young Black woman.
While young Black men certainly enjoyed relationships with young White women in my town, Black girls rarely were seen exploring the same types of relationships. But the opportunities weren’t equal or treated the same.
Basically, it is said to mean a black woman dating a white man.
It has astounded me that there are books, websites, matchmakers, personal coaches, groups, clubs, and tons of social gatherings dedicated to helping get your swirl going.
But he was persistent, followed up by Skyping me that evening re-extending his invitation. A few days later, he was headed to a nearby island and invited me to come along to explore.
I was looking to get away from the city, so I accepted, of course, booking my own hotel room, and arriving days late on my own schedule.
We yearn to embrace our sexual bliss, and yet have allowed what our mothers, grandmothers, aunties, and sister-friends have said about “them” keep us from pursuing something new.
We know how hard it is to fight against the stereotypes of black women as lascivious, innately promiscuous, and even predatory, deviants— and yet we feel more than justified in projecting our own labels on others, unfairly sizing up men and defining their capabilities between the sheets (or lack thereof) based on what so-and-so- said instead of considering the realities of the individual that just might be the guy who can makes your toes curl.” My toes curled, more than once. And even though I doubt me and this kid from Jersey will ever be more than just friends due to our chosen life paths (he’s ready to settle in one place and pursue a serious relationship, I want to keep traveling and find a partner who is willing to go with me), it was still worth giving us the opportunity to share intimacy, a deeper level of connection, and now, a stronger friendship.
Eventually, our vacation ended and he headed to the south of Brasil to start his new job. It had been almost six months since we had first met, and I certainly had changed.
I returned to the city to continue living my life, and we kept in touch through semi-frequent Skype chats about our lives as Americans in Brasil. I had opened a different chapter in my dating life, one that included more interracial dating than relationships with Black men in Brasil.
According to the 2010 census out of the 4,267,000 married black women 168,000 are married to white men. Even more shocking is that out of 51.5 million white women only 398,000 are married to black men. It kind of makes you rethink the whole idea that black women aren’t dating and marrying outside the proverbial color box. I have to laugh because unbeknownst to me I was swirling and didn’t even know it!