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Hess’s quandary is becoming more common for many young women.

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A first look at her apartment, a smartly appointed studio in a full-service building in Tri Be Ca, would only reinforce the impression.“They wouldn’t want me to see their apartments,” she said, because they lived in cramped surroundings in distant quadrants of Brooklyn or the Bronx.From the New York Times For Whitney Hess, a 25-year-old software designer in Manhattan, the tension that ultimately ended her recent relationships was all right there, in the digits on her pay stub. She would want to try the latest downtown bistro, but her boyfriends, who worked in creative jobs that paid less than hers, preferred diners.They would say, “Wow, you’re so sophisticated,” she recalled.A lot of young women “are of two minds,” said Stephanie Coontz, director of research at the Council on Contemporary Families, a research organization.

“On one hand, they’re proud of their achievements, and they think they want a man who shares house chores and child care.The shift is playing out in new, unanticipated ways on the dating front.Women are encountering forms of hostility they weren’t prepared to meet, and are trying to figure out how to balance pride in their accomplishments against their perceived need to bolster the egos of the men they date.Rowland, like some other women interviewed, said that she has come to the conclusion that it would be easier to date someone in the same economic bracket.“I love traveling, going to the opera and good restaurants,” she said.Hilary Rowland, 28, bought her first condominium when she was 18, using money she had earned from an online business started when she was 15. Rowland, who lives in New York, started dating a 34-year-old musician.