As the aforementioned pal expressed, “The flood gates of expectations open and a man can drown in what rushes forth unabated.” Yes, we women generally do have expectations once whoopee has been made.
That is if we didn’t perceive the encounter as just a fling.
If the latter, make a list of what you need to feel comfortable before becoming intimate.” If you need to consult a list before having sex with a new person in midlife, I think you are over-analyzing it.
I guess if you think that sex is something reserved only for someone you think of as a potential long-term mate, then maybe you do feel fooled and ashamed, but that seems to me an old-fashioned and limiting approach to sex.I think at the heart of this the basic dynamic of male/female relationships: Women are the gatekeepers. They have the power to open the door to the bedroom or keep it closed. If you have it, you want to make sure you get something equal in exchange once you relinquish it.You may want to think and act like a 25-year-old, but your seasoning tells another tale and may actually improve the chances for success. Without the pressures of getting married and having children, you can enter into relationships for the “right” reasons, not because you are running out of fertile years. Men and women in their 40s and 50s are generally more self-assured. You are, therefore, more likely to depend on yourself, not your partner, to solve your own dilemmas. You have learned from your previous relationship experiences. The following are some common sense dating principles that apply across the generations. The truth is that dating does change when you get older…and, in many ways, for the better. They know what they want out of a relationship, what they are looking for in a mate and are not afraid to ask for it. You can take inventory of what time has taught you so that you do not fall into old traps. You can put away the “list” of perfect characteristics that you are seeking in your date. Not every aspect of your romantic life feels critical. For those of you in your 40s or 50s who are recently divorced, widowed, or just eager to re-partner, dating again can be daunting. As two independent people with separate lives, you are probably more capable than your younger counterparts to nurture the three entities needed for a healthy partnership; “I,” “You,” and “We.” With enhanced self-awareness and father/mother-time on your side, there is a greater likelihood that you will make better choices, avoid previous destructive patterns, and build more lasting relationships. History has a way of repeating itself unless you mindfully replace your old dependencies and fears with new patterns of behavior. Your priorities are in order and you know the benefits of being real. Post-Divorce Healing and Rediscovering Your SELF,” Deborah Hecker, Ph. is a psychotherapist with over 35 years of private practice experience. In addition, she is certified as a psychoanalyst and has extensive training in the following areas: addiction counseling, grief counseling, collaborative practice and mediation.
Perhaps it’s been a while since you’ve been “on the market”. You have made friends and let them go when they were not supportive. However, in some respects dating in your 40s and 50s is quite similar to dating in your 20s and 30s. She received her Master’s Degree from Columbia University and her Ph. Don’t assume you and your partner see things in the same way or that your partner can read your mind. Moments will arise when your judgment about your partner will be put to the test. Like you, your partner is imperfect and deserves the benefit of the doubt. Keep in mind that a good relationship is based on each person’s ability to be supportive of those differences. It is not possible that your “I” and your partner’s “I” will be perfectly compatible.And I need to trust that he won’t just disappear afterwards — not that there needs to be a spoken commitment.A pledge of exclusivity is important, although I’ve had that with a past beau and he still cheated on me. Whether you are engaging in online dating or joining a group where you will meet people with similar interests, don’t wait for something to happen. Seek out people who interest you, with eye contact, a smile or a simple “hello” rather than waiting for them to choose you. Don’t waste time with people who don’t treat you well. Even if you are not interested, be kind and respectful to people who show an interest in you. Try to see your potential partner as a whole person, recognizing the things you find endearing as well as the ones you see as negative. You are beyond the confusion of your 20s and 30s and have clarified many of your major life values. Author of the recently released book, “Who Am I Without My Partner?