When we rebound, we go to the other extreme and end up in the same place. Your new "friend" will be your next lover and it will turn out the same way the last one did. Just saying you will go slowly doesn't work when hormones kick in and infatuation starts making the decisions. Take an inventory of your dysfunctional pattern in your current and past relationships. Be honest without blaming anyone else for your choices.
That includes no texting, emailing, online dating sites, hook ups, introductions by well intentioned friends and family. As you do your inventory look for the common themes in your relationships. If you are not in a relationship right now, consider getting professional help with your self evaluation before you begin your search again. You will be lonely, sad and frustrated at times but in the end you will have the most valuable gift of all. Only then can you choose well and have the real, albeit imperfect relationship you deserve. As an act of love that will last a life time, accept yourself and the one you love AS IS.
Does there appear to be a similarity between your childhood experiences and your choices as an adult? If you are in a relationship, unless you are being abused, don't make any decisions or demands until you look at yourself honestly. Ask yourself how life would be if you took responsibility for your own happiness, successes and failures and loved yourself the way you want to be loved. It may not come with a big red bow but it is one thing you can be sure everyone wants.
After the end of a bad relationship my clients have said things like: "Wrong guy! I'm going to find someone who is nothing like this one." "I am not interested in dating. Here are some initial steps for breaking the love addiction pattern: 1.
I just want to have someone to spend time with now and then." "I'm going to go slowly next time around." Here are few truths about Love Addiction and what is most likely to happen if you have not processed and grown from your painful experiences. If you are looking for the opposite of the last one, just remember that the opposite of Sick is Sick. STOP what you are doing and stand back to observe your own behavior.
Unfortunately, knowing why you do it isn't much help.
Having the information or insight cannot change the unconscious drive to attach at all costs.
We create reasons and excuses to leave this good partner.
We make the mistake of constantly trying to find someone better.
Rachel Uchitel, an alleged Tiger Woods' Mistress, spoke openly about her addiction to love because of her participation in Dr. For many people, this may be the first they ever heard about love addiction, so I decided to share a popular blog I wrote about this topic last year: First things first. If you suspect you are a love addict - don't feel too badly about it.
Take this brief quiz to see if you are likely a love addict. Did you once think that if only someone loved you in that "special way" you would be happy for the rest of your life? Were you/Are you pre-occupied with the notions of love as expressed in music, movies and fiction? Have you ever tried to talk yourself into loving someone you weren't particularly fond of because you needed the love NOW? Have you felt the need to prop up or do a total makeover on your partner early on in your relationship rather than admit that he/she wasn't right for you and end it? Have you stayed in a bad relationship or repeatedly returned to an ex-partner because you couldn't stand to be alone? When you are in a committed relationship do you wonder if you chose the RIGHT one or fantasize about a lover from your past, thinking you should have kept him or her and then you would be happier? Have you used the words "soul mate" in reference to how love should be? Since age 18 what is the longest period of time you were totally unattached and not fretting about some love interest? Are you able to take the time necessary to heal and do a thorough post mortem on a failed relationship before running out to find a new "friend" which quickly becomes a rebound lover? Do you expect your lover to make you feel loved and lovable? I was a member of the love addicts club for a good portion of my life as well. I have built my career on this issue, working with ordinary people who are lost when it comes to finding and sustaining a healthy relationship, stuck in a cycle of pain and disappointment in others and themselves.
Sex addiction is a compulsive pattern of pursuing sexual arousal independent of emotional attachments.