Years before embarking on Craigslist, both of us had experienced sexual abandonment.
Lily turned to the free Craigslist personals because didn't want to spend any money getting laid. She was open to every person and every experience -- even Republicans, as long as they could kiss.Lily told her close friends about how thoroughly she would be sleeping around, joking, "I want my vagina to have call-waiting." Now she is enjoying the adolescence she never had, dating like an oversexed high school student but armed with the wisdom and savvy of a woman in her 40s.Plus, let’s be honest: we don’t actually know what we need most of the time (especially when it involves change and newness). Your odds of getting laid through that route are way too slim. Stick to the details that are relevant to what you’re looking for. (I haven’t seen many of these, but I hear they’re common for men seeking women.) Ignore them. b) Generic introductions that people are sending to a whole bunch of people. You can tell a lot by a person’s writing style, how they describe themselves, and how they describe sex. Take the same care in your reply as you took in your original post.So if you leave it to us to describe our ideal situation, we’re going to ask for what we think we want, rather than what will actually excite us. Read the posts by people who are and are already asking for what you want. The writing quality in Craiglist ads varies wildly, so start with clean grammar and a writing style that shows a bit of personality. You took the time to be different and interesting in your post; the least they can do is acknowledge something special in their response to you. Acknowledge some of the details they shared, share a few more details of your own (including your first name and a photo, if it feels right), and end with a flirtatious question that will keep the conversation going. Safety tip: If they haven’t brought up STD status or safer sex standards yet, explicitly ask them about it. Once they get back to you, you should have enough details to trust your gut on whether this is a good idea. Plan to meet in a public place (like a bar), and make sure you’ve shared enough details to find and recognize each other (swapping phone numbers isn’t a bad idea at this point). Tell a close friend what you’re doing, where you’re going, and whatever identifying information you have on the person you’re meeting (including their phone number).If your friend doesn’t hear from you by the agreed times, they should start actively trying to track you down, calling your date, and (if all else fails) calling the cops. Size each other up in person and check the chemistry before you venture out to find a bed. Also email anyone who sent you a sincere, thoughtful message, and graciously tell them that you found what you were looking for, but you really appreciated their note.
The simple act of setting this plan up will probably make your date feel focused on your sense of safety. It’s completely okay to say, “You know, this isn’t feeling right” after chatting for twenty minutes, and go home alone. These notes are good for karma, and good for the general health of the Craigslist scene. I should probably add a disclaimer that my skills are a year or so out of date, and they’re based on my experience as a non-traditional female looking for casual sex.
All of this adds up to one thing for me: Creating opportunities for chance and serendipity is more likely to result in a good night of fun than trying to control the situation ever will. Find out how they’re phrasing things, what the patterns are, and how it works. I recommend ignoring anyone who doesn’t sound like they’re paying attention, but it’s really up to you. This may be a small percentage of your total responses. Then pick a few times that you’ll check in with your friend (like while you’re still bar with your date, and then again by midnight).
Or, to put it more simply: OKCupid gets me data; Craigslist gets me laid. The same way you land a good job: by becoming the one who is desired, rather than the one doing the desiring. Tell the person you’re meeting that you’ve set up this plan with a friend, and then check in with your friend when you agreed to do so. If it works out well for you, thank your partner the next morning with a sweet email (and if you genuinely hope to see them again sometime, this is a good time to mention it).
I’ve been thinking about Craigslist lately, and how oddly generous it is.
Craigslist is a particularly magical resource in the SF Bay Area because it started here. For me, it’s been most useful when I’m moving (finding an apt, finding furniture, helping me give stuff away, …), and when I’m looking for sex. I didn’t always turn to Craigslist, but the handful of times I did, it did not disappoint. But those stories are boring.) I’ve had far better luck with Craigslist than I have with Ok Cupid (a free dating site that’s also heavily used by the SF casual sex scene).
Before dating Kyle, I went through a six-year period where I was mostly independent, but felt the need for a one-night stand about once every six weeks or so. On Ok Cupid, you fill out long profiles, take personality quizzes, read all of the details on the passions and interests of your potential matches, and then allow math experts from Harvard to offer a rating score on how compatible you are with the hot people who catch your eye. If your abbreviation isn’t listed, leave it blank and then enter the best one you can come up with into your subject line).